I'm now thirty-four

But fell hard for you like a twenty boy

I've told myself a hundred so-be-it's

But perhaps I have never believed it

We learned to carry our age in our hands

Build a life not out of control nor off our plans

But you walked in with a veiled light

And made my naked heart lose its fight

I never want a movie beautiful like Before Sunrise

But a love met in eyes, rather than hidden inside

You must've seen every road I tried

Led to waiting rooms with no sign

I'm now thirty-four

But fell hard for you like a twenty boy

You'd never be that twenty girl

Rushing recklessly toward my reckless world

I've told myself a hundred so-be-it's

But perhaps I have never believed it

And I'm tellin' myself the hundred-and-first

Perhaps this time I'll finally let it be

I've got a quieter phone, a house I live alone

You never say you care, and you're never here

I made excuses kinder than truth

Bent a fall to fit your roof

How can I keep translating silence into a love that's never even put under the moon

I was the one who whispered it first

Put love in verses, made us a curse

You never said it back, never satisfied my thirst

You were a temporary tide, the beautiful ebb no reverse

Each approach was a whiff of bloom on the cliff

The ending meant to be a nail in the coffin

And love is just the process of it dyin'

They say the one who loves less has the power

But the one who loves first has the final hour

I gave you the moon, you gave me the dark

I'm now thirty-four

But fell hard for you like a twenty boy

You'd never be that twenty girl

Rushing recklessly toward my reckless world

I've told myself a hundred so-be-it's

But perhaps I have never believed it

And I'm tellin' myself the hundred-and-first

Perhaps this time I'll finally let it be

So-be-it, so-be-it, that's the count I keep

One to one hundred, the voice in my brain never falls asleep

Thought thirty-four is enough for knowing the math

But love ain't one plus one, it's a choose-your-path

Too grown to hold a ghost I cannot hold

Too old to trade my whole life for your mute cold

You got your own heart locked behind an unbreakable wall

Your own realities n dreams that don't include my call

One hundred and one: perhaps a goodbye, no encore

I gave my all, you gave not-care-at-all

If wanting you is childish

Fine, cuz you're the Waterbearer n I'm a fish

But after 101 swishes of a fishline

The blind love-struck fish now's died on a dish

Left its last words 'WISH YOU HAPPINESS'

I'm now thirty-four

But fell hard for you like a twenty boy

You'd never be that twenty girl

Rushing recklessly toward my reckless world

I've told myself a hundred so-be-it's

But perhaps I have never believed it

And I'm tellin' myself the hundred-and-first

Perhaps this time I'll finally let it be